I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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