Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
