Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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