Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
