he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize