woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
