Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
