Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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