i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
