i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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