I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
