Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
