My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just pee around me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They have beer where we have blood.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize