I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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