I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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