Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is wine microwaveable?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
