Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
