I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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