I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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