I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
