he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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