he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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