my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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