i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
