when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
