Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
