Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Randomize
