You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
