just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
