i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
