he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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