I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize