Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
