dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize