The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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