the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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