I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
