Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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