I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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