You just made me feel so damn special
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
