You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
