I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize