My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
