I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
