Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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