I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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