help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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