She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
