i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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