I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
