Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
