Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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