you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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