Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
