it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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