I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
