Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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