I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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