Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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