the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
