thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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