Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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