I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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