I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
