I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
