I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
