a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
