Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
the raccoons are back...
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