I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
