Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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