Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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