You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
