I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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