You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
