There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
