Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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