Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
