dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
