Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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