Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize