So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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