We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
