could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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