I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
