I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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