so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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