I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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