I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
