Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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