I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
