I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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