I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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