The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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