I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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