I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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