Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
