he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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