I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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