Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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