I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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