i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
