just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
