it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
