Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize