Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
