Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
