Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's always time for handjobs
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
