i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
