haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How does it feel to date your dad?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
